the date which shall live in infamy

I don't know exactly what possessed me to do this but

I just have to share an awkward date story. (I think I've been reading a little too much of the Mormon in Manhattan blog and it has inspired me)

so cue: the date with Michael Scott.

It was one of the first weeks I was at BYU so I was still a little (a lot) boy crazy. He asked me out earlier that week and explained that we would be going to a dance with a live band that his friend played in.

I thought this sounded cultural and cool and was excited about it.

On a Friday night he picks me up and I'm rarin to go to this dance. Then he fills me in that we're actually going to a BYU soccer game and then we'll go to the dance.

Okay.

So we get to the soccer game and he runs into an old friend and starts chatting with her. This is okay, it's an old friend, I can understand. However, as we are walking to our seats, he's still chatting with this girl and I realize rather quickly that she is planning on sitting with us. This is a little bit weird, but it got exponentially more uncomfortable when he asked the girl for her number.

It was at this time that I turned my attention to the couple we were doubling with, Jenna and Marcus. We laughed and joked and had an awesome time at the game while my "date" sat next to me and told the girl sitting next to him how gorgeous she looked, how good it was to see her, how glad he was that she was sitting by him, etc. 

After the game was finally over, the other girl left, and my date decided I existed again. So we get in the car to head to the dance and he puts his arm around me and is the picture of lovely dovey  grossness.

He's also texting the entire time.

Finally he perks up and says "Hey! I've got another friend I need to pick up." He gave directions and we pulled up to a little house. He disappears and comes back out of the house with.....another girl.

What?

He introduces us to her and tells her to hop in. I was a little bit confused and not really knowing what was going on, but I played along and talked to the girl (she was actually quite lovely and I really liked her a lot).

When we finally get to the dance, the band is playing and they are actually really good.

After watching my date dance with the other girl and many other girls, I decide that this date is basically over. So I scout out some cute guys and go dance with them.

I could tell this didn't exactly please my date, but what the heck was I supposed to do? Just sit back and watch him shmooze with other girls?

I think not.

So we finally leave and decide to get some ice cream. By this time I had spent the whole evening mulling over his invitation from earlier in the week.

Had he actually said "Will you go on a date with me this weekend"? Did I misconstrue his meaning and were we actually just hanging out?

I didn't know.

But here's the kicker:

So we go to get ice cream and he asks what I want, orders for me, and pays for it!

The other girl had to pay for her own.

By this time I was ten kinds of confused, partied out, and ready to go home. As we walked back to my apartment he was relentless in attempting to convince me to hold his hand and give him a goodnight kiss (this was after we'd dropped the other chick off, obviously) 

I said, "Not on your life, partner."

There was no second date.