Jalapeño Business!

So last night my mother and I made plans to team up for dinner. These are my favorite kind of plans because its half the work for double the delicious. It doesn't get better than that. 

Anyway my part of the menu included jalapeño poppers. 

And let me tell you, those peppers were spicy.

10 minutes after I had finished assembling them, my hands started burning. I have never had this happen before, but it was like the burning your mouth has when you eat something spicy but it was  in my hands and just the worst. 

The burning lasted until we ate dinner and then subsided (or maybe I was just too distracted by the spread of good food to notice). 

After dinner we watched a movie and it came back in full force. Just burning and burning and I couldn't figure out how to make it stop. I tried lotion and it helped for approximately two minutes. 

Then we got home and climbed into bed and the burning intensified. It had been manageable before but now I knew that I was not going to be sleeping it this kept up. 

So I did the only logical thing to do in that situation, I googled it. 

Obviously. 

And I found quite a list of remedies and slowly began working my way through them. 

With each remedy I would put a pair of socks on my hands to avoid washing them off because water and soap was really doing nothing for me. 

I started with rubbing Vaseline all over my hands. 

When that didn't work I tried rubbing alcohol.

When that didn't work I tried bathing my hands with lime juice. 

Next I tried soaking my hands in milk.

This just made matters worse so I tried the rubbing alcohol again because that one had had the most success so far ( a full 3 minutes of relief) . 

Then I tried rubbing mustard all over my hands. 

Finally I was exhausted and it was late and I was keeping kolton up by my getting out of bed five thousand times so I went to the kitchen, filled a ziplock bag with ice and slept with that cradled between both of my hands. 

And finally I was able to go to sleep. 

P.s. Before all this trial and error I had washed my hands thoroughly with soap and water so I figured it was safe to take my contacts out. 

Bad idea. 

Very bad idea. 

I thought that if I did as quickly as possible I could get my fingers out of there before the burning juices were able to saturate my eyeball. I was very wrong obviously and was able to get one contact out which also included writhing in pain and not being able to open my eye for a full minute. 

And I still had another contact to remove.

I debated having kolton come remove it for me but I knew that that would not be a good thing for our marriage so instead I wrapped some toilet paper around my fingers and removed it that way. And it actually worked, so there's that.