I really don't know why I'm sharing this, but I've felt like I need to for a while now. I don't like to broadcast my private life on the Internet, but every rule needs an exception.
So.
Kolton and I have been trying for almost two years now to start a family. It's been a stressful roller coaster of emotion and one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. There's a lot I could say on this subject but I will keep it to a minimum. We started seeing a doctor last fall and have run numerous tests and still really didn't know what the problem was. I had a lot of concerns over some of the things we were doing and just really didn't feel like I was being heard. By anyone.
I didn't feel like the doctor was listening and I didn't feel like Heavenly Father was even listening anymore.
Here we were trying to obey a commandment and I didn't feel like I was receiving any help or guidance or anything but radio silence. And it was hard. And I was frustrated and bitter and a lot of other angry words.
I was feeling like we had hit a dead end with the other doctors because they just wanted to keep doing the same things that hadn't worked before. Or they were suggesting doing a super invasive procedure which included sending a scope through my belly button. Every time I thought about this I felt like throwing up. Maybe i was just being a wimp, but I knew that it wasn't right.
So one Sunday I was sitting in church thinking over all of these things. I was thinking about the doctors and the next step and wondering what we were supposed to do now.
All of the sudden I had this overwhelming burning feeling in my chest and the thought that we needed to go to koltons sister Shannon's office where she is an ultrasound tech. I can't explain the feeling I had other than saying that I knew it was right and that it was what I NEEDED to do.
So later that night I talked to Shannon and she said she would work something out. On Monday she called me back and had an appointment early on Tuesday morning. I had to miss a little school but the kids were doing testing so there wasn't much I would be doing anyway. I couldn't believe how quickly and effortlessly everything had worked out. I couldn't have planned it better myself.
So Tuesday morning I met with a new doctor and realized that we did have other options we could pursue. I was feeling better about everything when he suggested we do an ultrasound. Something I had never done before even with the other doctor.
So Shannon took me in and honestly within thirty seconds of beginning the ultrasound she found a gigantic ovarian cyst. Bigger than an egg but smaller than a baseball.
From there, things really started happening.
They scheduled me for surgery to remove the cyst ( which insurance miraculously covered) and they essentially told me that along with removing the cyst they would perform a procedure where they ran a scope through my belly button. The same thing the other doctor wanted to do. But instead of being nervous and sick to my stomach all I felt was peace.
I knew that that was exactly what I needed to do.
The whole rest of the day and week and everything leading up to the surgery I was nervous of course but also just mostly really peaceful.
Removing the cyst wasnt the end solution to the problem but it was a start. Mostly this experience taught me that Heavenly Father is listening. He does care and he is watching out for me. And even though its hard and im not yet perfect at it, I need to trust in His will and His timing.
I don't know when my prayers will finally be answered, but I know that I'm not alone and things will work out the way they are supposed to.
